grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize