I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
