The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
