Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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