I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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