three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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