dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
