Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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