a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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