Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
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