Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
