That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
