he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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