when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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