operation have a gay friend backfired
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
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Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
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Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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