got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
