but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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