how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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