Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
