Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
