lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
