I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
