I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
