Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
