Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
