So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
