so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
