Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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