Those balls look pretty dangerous.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
