If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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