Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
