didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
