i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize