sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
