you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
