Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
