Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
