I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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