My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
