Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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