im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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