I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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