I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
