look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
