So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
