Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
