you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
