haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
