i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
