Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
