Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
