We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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