is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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