you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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