he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she smelled like a LAN party
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
