I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
