For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
