If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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