foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
