I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
