what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
