I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
