The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
