you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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