whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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