theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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