well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
