I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
