Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
