Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
