I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
