he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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