I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
