Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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