Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
