i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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