Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
