I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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