I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
